The beginning of the story.....

Where do I begin...

I met my partner soon after I ended an unhealthy relationship, and for the first time in my life considered myself attractive. Due to stress I had dropped down to around 120lbs (which, for someone who around 5'10, was almost skeletal- for reals, when I see old pictures it looks as though I was in dire need of both a cookie and a glass of something more substantial than wine), and as someone who had always been the token "fat chick" it was a huge change for me. Men found me attractive (and not just the person they wanted to watch the game and have a beer with). I could shop at all the stores that used to taunt me when I was squeezing into the largest size Old Navy offered, hoping to camouflage the muffin top with a bulky sweater. Of course, with this came the inevitable confusion of confusing "wanting to fuck me" with "liking me", but hey, I was safe and for the most part having fun.

I had signed up on an Adult match-making site- mostly out of curiosity, but partly because I figured I was young and then was the time to do all my sexual exploration. After talking to a few people via IM (often with hilarious results- do you know that seen in Euro Trip where Michelle Trachtenburg's character shows up on the nude beach and is chased down by a bunch of horny naked men? Well, this was the computer equivalent), I got a message from my now husband which seemed innocent enough. So I messaged him back (glad to escape the Night at the Roxbury for awhile), and we started chatting. We made plans the next day to meet up for ice-cream, and really clicked. So much so that even though he was only in my city visiting family and was working in California at the time, he decided within about two weeks of dating to move back here.

However, this time was not without its red flags. He apparently had a girlfriend in Connecticut (who he broke up with over the phone), and was constantly getting texts from some 18 year old girl that did volunteer work with him. I apparently was not to worry, as things have been going badly with his girlfriend for awhile and he was planning on breaking up with her anyway (despite finishing his licensing to work in CT, and telling her that he was planning to move there to be with her). Also, that 18 year old? Just a silly crush- nothing more substantial (though I found out years later that prior to me meeting him, he was sleeping with her).

Being truly foolish and in love, I ignored these signs and made plans for him to move. We booked my plane ticket for me to fly to California to help him pack up his condo, and for me to accompany him on the trip back. We were pretty much disgustingly in love, and probably annoyed the shit out of anyone within a 5 mile radius- I was a teaching assistant at the time, and I'm pretty sure some of my students benefited from me being in such an amazing mood. It's hard to fail the shit out of someone when you feel like you're dancing on a cloud. Even if they truly did deserve it.

After he got settled in his new place, he mentions the fact that he's on a few "dating" sites- oh, but I shouldn't worry. It's just because he got bored and wanted to chat with people. Rut R'oh Scooby- do not pass Go, do not collect 200$. But like I said, I was stupidly in love and figured "Why not? He wouldn't be doing anything bad if he's being honest about it, right?". Ummm.....no. He was banking on the fact that I would just take his word for it, and not actually check what kind of messages he was exchanging with other women. And I didn't. He had the log-in information, and I would see sites like Plenty of Fish and Casual Kiss in our Internet history, but didn't make the link that "hey dumbass- what he says he does =/= what he actually does".

to be continued....