An Introduction

I know there are already eleventy-seven blogs written by women affected by their partner's sex addiction online. Some take a more spiritual approach, and while I love the idea that there is some big benevolent dude up in the sky with a vested interest in making sure us underlings behave, I am way too cynical to actually believe this is remotely possible. Others appear to take the view that external factors are at fault for their partner's addiction; that it's the accessibility of porn, prostitution, or other "easy" women who coerce their partners into behaving badly. While I do agree that if things like dating websites and free pornography weren't immediately accessible to anyone with an internet connection that it would make it more difficult for him to fulfill his addiction, in the end an addict is an addict. I'm not going to pretend that if these external factors didn't exist that the addiction wouldn't manifest itself in different ways- I know in my partner's case, there is such a perfect storm of risk factors that if it wasn't this it would be something else he would feel compelled to do to gain validation from the opposite sex.

I just didn't feel any strong sort of connection with anything currently out there- absolutely, there are situations that I empathize with, but as someone who is fairly outspoken and not prone to back-patting, I often feel like the odd one out. The turd in the punchbowl if you will. However, I fully admit that it's easy to sit back and be a Judgey McJudgerson when you can objectively pick apart someone else's situation and go "dude, that's pretty fucked up" without realizing to others that what you are dealing with is equally fucked up.

Which is why I generally don't share my story with others who haven't at least dealt with either a partner with an addiction or a partner who has been unfaithful- because while it does feel good to get validation that you are in the right and your partner is a massive douchecanoe who should be sent up shit creek without a paddle, if you decide to stay partnered with that individual, there will be fall-out. Fair enough, it is difficult to watch someone you care about continue to stay in a relationship that may not be healthy for them...but it's still pretty difficult to deal with, and makes you feel even shittier when your self-esteem has already taken a massive hit from your partner seeking sexual gratification elsewhere.

Anyway, I figured I would start writing down some of my experiences. Who knows, maybe it will be cathartic- or maybe just seeing some of the things I have dealt with written down will give me a clearer idea of how I should proceed, because as of right now, I'm in some sort of fucked up purgatory where there is no clear advantage to moving up or down.